1 post tagged “panic attacks”

I took the day off!  I realllly needed to though.  The wedding day is getting closer, laundry needs done, house needs picked up/cleaned, Jasmine and Kylie's room needs organized better.  Jasmine's Barbie stuff is everywhere....ugh.  About the only place for Kylie's toys are in her crib and in the play pen, and they are both full!  This weekend is our full weekend with both girls, so these things must be done.  We have two birthday parties on Saturday.

My stomach doesn't feel that great either.  I don't know if it's nerves, stress, or just blah.  Probably all of the above.  Wedding day is getting soooo close.  I'm feeling overwhelmed I guess.  I went to my psychiatrist the other day, and he says I have way too much stress.  I'm having anxiety AND panic attacks daily now.

Stress.  It doesn't help that Jasmine's mother (Tammy) is telling her that I am "trying to take her away from mommy", "don't hug, kiss or talk to April.  She is NOT your family".  As of September 30, I WILL be her step mother.  I simply tell her I love her very much.  It's all I can do right now.  She is four years old!  This is driving me crazy.  Her mental health is already so damaged at this point.  I can tell she is confused.  She's not playing or being mean.  I can tell by her actions and the way she does play that she is confused.  I don't know what to do.  We are considering turning her mother in to DCFS.  We need to check with the attorney to see what exactly would happen if we did this.  I would ultimately like to get custody of Jasmine after Nathan and I get married.  We do have some things going for us that Tammy doesn't.  We have stable jobs with health insurance.  We have a home of our own with 3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, so plenty of room.  We have male and female roles in the household.  We have routine.  Tammy has never had a stable job with health insurance.  Tammy lives with her mother.  She does not have a stable environment with a routine and organization.  I will never ever say anything to Jasmine about her mother.  I would never tell Jasmine bad things about her mother or how to treat her.  Oh, I could go on and on.  I wish we could have custody of both girls, but I don't see that happening.   

I can say that Kylie's mother (Trixy) is not going to brainwash Kylie like Tammy does to Jasmine.  I should say I have more faith in Trixy along the lines of these types of things.  Trixy did have to deal with Tammy for a very brief period of time.  So she does know what we are dealing with.  Not saying it couldn't happen, but I don't see Trixy brainwashing Kylie.

Nate and I are going to St. Louis next Wednesday for his checkup with his cancer doctor.  Things have been going well, but that doesn't stop me from worrying some.  I've been praying a lot.

I need to get things moving around here though.  I have done four loads of laundry though.  wooohoooo.  I still need to tackle the girls bedroom though.  Vacuum, I need to vacuum.